Dying at 27

I’d been waiting for weeks. Months even.

When the results came in, I wasn’t expecting much. I’d had so many tests before.

Until I received an emergency phone call from my doctor.

I had life threatening parasites.

My inflammation markers were off the charts.

My immune system was wrecked.

My liver could rupture at any moment.

It was so serious my physician couldn’t help me.

It was Christmas break.

The specialist’s office was closed for the holidays.

I knew I was going to die.

A floral background with the words Dying and Death over the top

Mis-diagnosis to Insanity

Back in 2005 or so, in my mid teens, I began to develop strange digestive symptoms. Fuelled by a destructive relationship to food and an eating disorder, I soon became extremely ill. By my mid twenties, I was wracked with aches and pains, fatigue, acne, eczema, allergies, and sensitivities. I couldn’t sleep at night and couldn’t stay awake in the day. Exercise was out of the question and eating was agony.

 

Living in the UK, I had the benefit of the NHS (free national health care) on my side, so I went from doctor to doctor, pleading for help, desperate for answers. Time and again I got patronized, misdiagnosed, and ignored. Their answer was always some form of pharmaceutical bandaid which caused more side effects than anything – and they certainly didn’t cure me.

 

In short, they thought I was crazy, depressed, and hormonal. In truth, those things had become true as I was systematically mishandled. But it wasn’t because I was a head case that this was happening; I had become a head case because this was happening. It was my own personal decent into a certain kind of insanity.

A woman holding scissors near her face

Ditching the Doctors

When doctors finally told me nothing was wrong and I was “in the prime of my life” I broke in two. If this was my prime, then life was over for me. I could hardly eat anything besides carrots and olive oil (my skin literally turned orange). All I could do was barely scrape through a day. I was miserable and resentful and angry and just so incredibly sick.

It was the loneliest place I’ve ever known.

The divorce was mutual; I had ditched the doctors and they ditched me. That relationship was dead.

So I tried acupuncture, massage therapy, and herbalism. I’d followed online gurus, self-medicated, and self-meditated till I was numb.

A woman surrounded by carrots and bottles of olive oil

Until I found Brie, my functional medicine practitioner.

Finally, someone who understood my suffering! Who took my complaints seriously and had genuine answers that made sense and produced results.

Thank God this would all be over soon.

Dying in Two Different Countries at Once

I grew up in the states. Small town, big family. When I was 20, I moved to London to work as a make-up artist. I got married and became a UK citizen.

Brie, my functional medical practitioner, lived in California and we liaised via Skype. In 2015, I was back in the US, visiting family for Christmas.

That’s when I got my life threatening parasite diagnosis.

And I needed specialist care. Immediately.

I had no insurance.

I had no connections.

I couldn’t stay in the US for treatment.

I didn’t even know what treatment I would need.

I contacted emergency care in the UK before I flew back, to let them know the situation. So I could get care. So I wouldn’t die. So my liver wouldn’t rupture and fill my body with poison.

A drawing of a liver

But nothing happened.

There was no rush. No sense of urgency. No immediate care. No emergency procedures.

My NHS doctor casually referred me to the tropical diseases unit, saying I’d get an appointment in a month or two.

And I knew, without doubt, I’d never make it to that appointment.

At 27 years old, I would die scared and alone.

Two Months of Dying

I was crying in the shower. Again.

Head in hands, rocking back and forth.

Regret and pain and loss, streaming down my face.

It’s not how I wanted my life to end.

I wasn’t ready for death.

I was scared. So, so scared.

Waking Up from Death

A vintage picture of a woman with her eyes crossed out

In the end, I didn’t die. But I spent over two months (a total of 67 days) believing with every bone in my body that the icy voice of death would whisper into my ear at any moment, calling me to my grave.

 

It changed me.

 

The fact is, many parts of me did die that winter. Layers and layers of fear and doubt fell away, laying bear the truth. Exposing my mortality and frailty – and awakening my life and vitality. Priorities became scalding hot to the touch with blinding white clarity.

 

Living was a privilege. A chance. A brief miracle.

Dying once was enough for me.

 

12 Things I Learned from Nearly Dying That Could Save Your Life

 

This stuff could save your life. It saved mine. 

 

1. You Are What You Think

You’re not crazy – you’re in control. You determine what the experience becomes. Think wisely. 

2. Healing is a Mindset

You must engage your brain to access your body. They are intrinsically linked.

3. You Are Your Own Best Healer

Listen to the way your body speaks. Learn its language. It always knows.

4. You Must Get the Right Kind of Help

Fumbling in the dark will ruin your soul. Being mishandled by doctors is even worse. Find a functional medical practitioner to heal you from the inside out.

5. Health Goals Are Essential

Get clear about what your healing success looks like. Visualize it. Meditate on it. Bring it to life.

Hands holding and candle with vines wrapped around them

6. You’ve Got to Shed the Past

The past will keep you sick. Old ways, old stories, old habits. Examine. Get honest. Get rid.

7. Life Really is Short

Too short for bullshit. Move on.

8. Fear is a Faker

Respect fear for it’s role in protecting you and then step over it. It will only trick you into believing every kind of lie.

9. You Might Not Know What You Thought You Knew

Perhaps the clouds will part to reveal your deepest desires. Your truest self. Stuff you never dreamed of. Stuff you swore you’d never do. Prepare for a life unexpected.

10. Knowing Who You Are is Vital

Finding out who you really are and what you really want will connect you to your highest purpose and passion. Make a plan to live meaningfully, beautifully and exceptionally.

11. Healing is a Choice

You have to want to heal. You have to get your priorities straight. You have to get rid of blocks and excuses.

12. Many Cures for One Malady

There is no one pill fits all solution. Find your own healing way. Use whatever works for you. Find what feels good. Try everything. Listen to your bod. 

 

Life or Death

Living rose and dying roses on a table

Life or Death

You choose, honey.

Right now.

It’s time for you to decide for yourself.

Whether to live or die.

Doesn’t matter whether you’re sick or well or beautiful or wealthy.

You have to make the choice.

Benjamin Franklin said, “Most people die at 25 and aren’t buried until they’re 75.”

Wake up.

 

Tell me. Where did your near death experience take you? What darkness have you known through illness or loss? How did you find your way back home? I want to know. 

You Deserve True Healing

Book your FREE 15 minute appointment with my

LIFE SAVING Functional Medicine Practitioner, Brie Wieselman today.**

**Brie is now my affiliate partner, so let her know who sent you and thank you for supporting us both.

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7 Steps to Sexy, Juicy, Empowered Healing & Wellbeing

 

**WARNING Graphic content: might not be suitable for work**

Some people are born sick. I wasn’t.

I made myself sick. I spent my entire childhood building up to spending my entire adulthood being sick.

And I was incredibly successful at doing so.

Since before I was a teenager, food always held negative connotations for me. My mom was always on a diet and fat-free was pure gospel. At 12 years old, I gave up soda because I knew it was “bad” and felt guilty every time I had a brownie or a Twix.

Barbie celebrating food, crossed out with a big red sign

By the time I was in high school, a flat tummy was my primary concern, and all I wanted was to be thin and beautiful, so I resolutely claimed I didn’t eat wheat or dairy because I “couldn’t tolerate them” – giving myself a bona fide condition (without the help of any doctors).

From about the age of 17, I was heath obsessed and self-punishing full time. If I indulged in frozen yogurt or had eaten too much, I’d take a walk by myself and purge my shame into the neighbor’s bushes, quiet and discrete.

A barbie being sick behind a fence post

In my twenties, I no longer had to worry about barfing up my problems. I had finally achieved my goal: I could hardly eat anything. I was sick. Really, really sick. My belly was huge with parasites, SIBO, H. Pylori, adrenal fatigue, chronic fatigue, hormone imbalances, and fibromyalgic pain.

A sick woman with a distended abdomen

An entire lifetime of food fear and self-loathing had finally come full circle. I no longer had to restrict my diet or think of reasons to exclude gummy bears from my life; my body was doing it on autopilot, and I had a great big distended, angry belly to show for it (not the lithe, svelte frame I’d dreamed of).

 

Chronic Illness and Eating Disorders

I’m going to throw it right out there: I believe my eating disorder became my illness. I believe that my fear of getting fat and having a poochy belly turned into an eating disorder. I think the eating disorder ingrained negative ideas of eating so deeply in my mind that I got sick and became engrossed in 10 years of food sensitivities and life consuming infection.

I had every symptom, every problem, and was deeply suspicious of all food all the time. I became anti-social, was incessantly harassed by the stupid body I hated, and tormented myself over every bite I took and what sort of reaction I would have.

See the pattern there?

And it is probably the same reason YOU are so sick all the time.

Huge, right?

A hideous boulder right in the eye and whoa whoa whoa whoa no.

Let me explain.

 

The Real Reason You’re So Sick All the Time

You don’t have to have a full blown eating disorder in order to qualify, here. It could be something as simple as hating your reflection. Repeating how fat you are every time those jeans squeeze your tum. Believing that if you eat dessert you’ll gain 5 pounds immediately. Mutilating your self-esteem with fashion mags. Buying yet another lipstick to make yourself feel better.

I’m talking about your brain. Your mindset. The way you see yourself and the relationship you have to your body and food and health and healing.

A woman thinking of a cupcake

That’s the real reason you’re so sick all the time. Because your mind is getting right up in your business, hijacking your best intentions and blasting you off course. Bringing out all the dirty laundry and making a stinking shambles of the whole thing.

3 Free Ways to Stop Your Mindset from Making You Sick

I know you’re here because you want to be well. I know you’ve crashed and burned the brain plane. I know you’ve dragged your body through pharmaceutical hell and back. Your soul is shredded and your spirits are singed.

It’s time to stop killing yourself. Stop spending your life suffering. Stop wandering blind.

Use these three tips as a jumping off point to kick start true healing. Take it from a professional invalid, educating your body, beautifying your mind, and healing your life starts here (and it’s free!).

1. Get Honest

Getting honest about the underlying causes of being unwell (physically or mentally) is rough. It’s emotionally triggering and psychologically challenging. I means facing facts and taking responsibility for your role. Believe me; I did NOT want to admit that a shameful eating disorder (and fear and self-loathing) had robbed me of 10 prime years(!).

Look at your symptoms. Your situation. Can you spot any patterns? Can you see where it all began? Was there an event that triggered you? A set of behavioral traits you inherited from your mom?

Digging up these roots will feel like a soul bearing, gut wrenching inquisition. But the answers are there, and they are the key to healing. You must confront the true cause before you embrace true healing – otherwise, it’s likely you will be (unconsciously) repeating patterns of self-sabotage.

 

2. Forgive Yourself

A heart made of broken pieces of blue dishes

Your self-exploration may uncover some nasty stuff. Proper demons. And that’s OK. In fact, that’s freaking awesome. The sooner you call all that stuff into the light, the sooner you can deal and ditch.

Throughout this process – from before you discover anything, through to thriving victory – you must forgive yourself for everything. For all the past failures, the negative thoughts, the self-loathing, how long it takes, the dark secrets. All of it.

Create a beautiful mindset from this point by simply allowing your past to exist, accepting yourself in the moment, and moving forward with a positive intention. Don’t dwell. Don’t punish. Everything happens for your highest good, so (even if you don’t understand it right now) move on believing that purpose and value will reveal itself as you press along with forgiveness and self-love in the driver’s seat.

 

3. Train Your Brain

Healing is the art of bringing physiology (the body) and psychology (the brain) into alignment with one another. Your body cannot be vital if your brain is sick, and vice versa. We must attend to both in order to achieve harmony.

But what if your mind is chattin’ about how ugly your thighs are? What if a little carb alarm goes off every single time you see a loaf of bread? What if you’re used to counting calories and get sucked in by swimming suit season advertising? Healing is not going to come from a place of comparison and inadequacy. 

You must reign in the brain to assist your healing journey. It’s not optional. After you get honest, you can start to dive into the subconscious programming that is informing your actions (and ultimately responsible for your successful recovery). Healing Hypnosis is a free and easy way to get you started on your way. You may also consider mindfulness, emotional freedom techniques, positive affirmations, meditation, or a combination of all. Find what feels good, and do it. 

Start Kicking Ass Today with a Beautiful Mindset

Oh my honey.

This is your cue.

The part where you get to put on your flower crown and take action.

Where you get to shine because you are finally standing in the light.

Where everyone gets to feel your love and share in the gifts you bring.

Because now you know.

How to move forward.

And how to move mountains.

Oh my gosh, yes.

 

xoxo

 

Tell me. Did you spend 2 years wrapped in a duvet with debilitating digestion? Did you pick up parasites in Peru? Have you had a spiritual healing experience? I want to know. 

You deserve true healing.

Book your FREE 15 minute appointment with my

LIFE SAVING Functional Medicine Practitioner Brie Wieselman today.**

You can also hop on over to get sexy, juicy, empowered healing and wellbeing from MegaBeauts

(FREE FREE FREE!)

**Brie is now my affiliate partner, so let her know who sent you and thank you for supporting us both.